Friday, September 29, 2006
Friday, September 29, 2006
Hello...Had dance practice yest...It wasn't very good..Never really practice much @ all...I personally feel that the expression in all my dances ain't going to bring me anywhere..Seriously...There's no more chemistry...When we dance, there's no more story, there's no more flavour of the dance...We're juz dancing an empty shell...@ this rate...
I dunnoe how i'm going to even lyk dance...I love dance...But now...Haiz..Anyhow...I use to feel the Rhumba feeling or the Jive feeling or even the Cha Cha Cha feeling when i dance...Even when i'm not with my partner...I can still the dance...Now i'm not...Competition is approaching soon...In lyk wad 2 weeks time... and this is happening to me...I dunnoe how i'm even going to make it into the finals...But i doubt tt's going to even happen @ the pace we're at...So ya...There's no need to put alot of effort in it right...If i'm the only 1 dancing it out, den i shall stop injecting emotions into the dance to even make it look good...Juz go for comp, & see how it goes...With the emptiness i feel when i'm part of the dance...Wad will the judges themself feel & see...I think they will see juz a shell if tt's how i'm feeling...No1 is contributing to the dance...Haiz...So y should i be tt only fool in contributing emotions...I'm tired...Yes i agree, practices are juz practices...But it can oso be a mock comp for any1 of us...If emotions are not injected now..Do u think on the comp day itself there'll be emotions..Idoubt so lohr...Mayb its lyk this tt u realise the partnership is failing...Communication is oso another problem...Anyhow...Its my 1st comp & this is wad i'm feeling...Yes i may say tt a competition is an experience, but am i being true to myself...Have i even given my best... Even i had, is it really the best...I've set a benchmark the moment Lenny u gave me an approving look abt the dance...Tt's where i'm going to work to be better den wad Lenny u saw...But i think there's no chance now... Oh well..I'm losing the dance feeling...Who can help me find it back now...Haiz...Doubt my partner can...Haiz....Who else can...I dunnoe how i'm going to feel when i dance with a mind in searching of that particular feeling..Haiz...Yest went shopping with Jasmine & Marc for Jasmine's dance costumes...After tt had dinner den went for dance...Went into the dance room...Saw Caryn..Ran up to her & gave her a hug...Missed her during her duration in Korea...Missed her during tues when she wasn't present for dance...Den saw Yy...
He gave me a souvenir from Korea... *Thanks Yy*Den Vanessa was asking for scissors...
Den i heard... I used my fingers to show her the scissors..She was laughing & she said i'm going to die during Johor trip..Haha.... Den Lenny, Deborah & Taz came...
Lenny bought me a husky in a bag... So cute.. Its my fav breed of Dog..
Haha... *Thanks Lenny*Den we sat down & chatted...Lenny, Yy, Fiona & Caryn were telling us abt Korea...Seems lyk they had lots of fun..The events were really funny... Haha...After that was practicing alone...Den Yy asked me to go dance with my partner... Which i did... Ya...Practice lohr..Normally lohr...Didn't want to count..Cuz comp itself cannot count..So was trying out if i can keep in timing when not counting...Both my partner & i failed in tt...Now i dunnoe how..Haiz...Oh well..i sprained my ankle...Literally sprained it while i was trying to practice & perfect my last new york before a cuban break for cha cha cha...I was so irritated...Goodness...After tt Yy & Lenny made me go sit down cuz it hurts...Seriously hurts when i was walking oso...Ya..Den after Caryn left..Yy brought me out of the dance room for a chat...Den he told me some stuff tt has been bothering me for a long long time...wanted to cry, but couldn't..Anyhow...Spoke to Desmond..The tears came naturally...Really naturally...Cabbed home with Lenny & Deborah..Came online...Talk to Caryn, Lenny & Marc...After tt, went to bed...Cried on the phone with Marc... *Sorry best friend*Tt's yesterday...
Today... I"m juz @ home...Resting...Tmr going for dance..My partner's not going..So ya..Can perfect my steps..Den see who will practice with me tmr lohr..Ya..Okie then...Shall end here now...Cya..
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Hello...
Went out with twinnie (Eveleen), Mellissa, Grace, & Josephine...
Watched Singapore Dreaming with them...
Nice show...
Reminded me of life & daddy...
Eveleen left after the movie...
Went shopping with Grace, Mel, & Jo...
Walked to paragon & into Toys' R Us...
Haha...
Relieved childhood days... =)
Went to Delifrance for dinner...
Had baked potato with Egg Mayo...
Very filling...
Went over to Taka to buy mooncakes for mummy, Shaina & I...
Trained back to AMK...
Cabbed down to compass to pick Marc up...
Cabbed back home...
Marc gave Shaina tuition...
Stayed for dinner *offered by mummy*
He cabbed home...
Poor best friend... You look very very tired today...
Anyhow... was reading through blogs, came upon Lynn's one...
Thought i should put it here too...
So took it off her blog..
Did you know?
Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart, are real weaklings and most succeptible?
Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need some one to protect them?
Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writting than saying it to someone in the face? But did you know that it has more value when you say it in the face?
Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are : I love you, Sorry and Help me. The people who say these are those that actually need them or really feel them, and they are the ones you really need to treasure, because they have said them.
Did you know that what is most difficult for you to say or do is much more valuable than anything that is valuable that you can buy with money?
I thought all these made absolute sense...
Haiz...
I can't get over wad i feel...
Seems lyk he've already knew how i feel...
But no reply, no nothing means nothing...
I'm tired of putting on the mask, everytime i step into the dance room...
Haiz...
But i dunnoe when i can even take it out..
Oh well...
I shall try...
Royce said i wasn't trying hard enough...
But how trying hard is trying hard..
How enough is enough...
Gosh...
Haiz...
Oh well..
Life is full of such stuff...
I dunnoe why...
Thank those inventors that created pills...
They're the best medicine to wadever you're feeeling now...
Be it to die - pills best way for suicide...
Be it to sleep - slping pills, give u a night's rest...
Be it to get well - panadol cure you of a headache or a fever...
How its being used depends on you...
How do you think i wanna use it now...
Life is full of meaning yet not very full of it...
George says "Life is beautiful"
Pple tell me "Live life to the fullest"
When is the fullest the fullest..
When do you know that you're being loved...
Haiz...
Why is loving some1 & being loved so tough...
Why do we have to go through such phases...
Oh why why...
Why am i not enjoying every min of dance now..
Why is the music affecting me...
Haiz Haiz...
Why why...
Oh well...
Mayb that's my life ya...
So full of downs & seldom do i see an up right...
Shall do a quiz before i end lah ya... *Michelle ask me to do=)*
1. My ex is still...
**my friend**
2. I am listening to...
**Mariah Carey [We Belong Together]**
3. Maybe I should...
**Be really happy & put unwanted thoughts out of my mind**
4. I love...
**Dance****Hanging out with my clique, best friend & girlfriends**
5. My best friend...
**Marc Chung**
6. I don't understand...
**Why is life so cruel** **What is the true meaning of love**
7. I lost...
**My Dad**** I've lost love**
8. People say....
**I'm small**
9. The meaning of my screen name is....
**What is space & time? it is here & now. it is you.**
10. Love is...
**Caring****Sharing****Concern**** Trust****Communication****Respect****Pain****Joy****Complicated**
11. Somewhere, someone is..
**Praying****Slping****Loving****Crying****Laughing**
12. I will always...
**Have pple i love on my mind****Dance****Goals & aspirations**
13. Forever seems...
**Lyk eternity**
14. I never ever want to...
**Let go of those i love ever again**
15. My cell phone is...
**Nice****Precious to me**
16. When I woke up this morning...
**I was drowsy & slpy**
17. I get annoyed...
**When pple lie to me****When pple irritate me****When i'm experiencing mood swings**
18. Parties are...
**Most enjoyed when pple you love are there**
19. My pet(s) are...
**Daddy's goldfish [which are now mine]**
20. Kisses are the best when...
**They are given by your lover****They carry a true meaning of love**
21. Today I...
**Spent time with best friend & my clique in school**
22. Tomorrow I will...
**Go for dance & shopping**
23. I really want...
**Love****Care & Concern****True friends****Perfect memories**
=)
7 random things about myself:
**Shoppaholic**
**Reads**
**Emotional**
**Pianist**
**Clarinetist**
**Student**
**Love my gfs & cliques & best friend & family**
7 things that scare me:
**Heights**
**Creepy Crawlies**
**Insects**
**Reptiles**
**Failure on things tt i have high expectations of**
**Lost of a loved one**
**Falling in love**
7 random songs at the moment:
**Wu Ding [Jay Chou & Landy]**
**Superwoman [Karen white]**
**We Belong Together [Mariah Carey]**
**Because of You [Kelly Clarkson]**
**One Moment in Time [Whitney Houston]**
**I Wanna Dance [Michael Learns to Rock]**
**Time to Say Goodbye [Sarah Brighton & Andrea Bocelli]**
7 things I like most:
**My piano**
**My baby Clarinet**
**My Handphone**
**The night sky filled with stars**
**The sand, sea & sun**
**The music playing around me**
**Dance floor, dance shoes, dance skirt**
7 people to do this:
**Marc**
**Shaina**
**Eveleen**
**Mellissa**
**Grace**
**Carrie**
**Liz**
=)
LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: Clar---*issa
Birth date: 7th August
Current Location: mY beDroOm
Color: blue**
Hair Color: brown, bronze, blonde
Righty or Lefty:RIGHT!!!
Zodiac Sign: Leo
LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE
Your heritage: Chinese, Malay, Indian (I'm serious)
Your fears: Heights.. Feeling lost & lonely
Your weakness: Cry easily
Your perfect pizza: Hawaiian
Your Ambition: Child Psychologist, Teacher
LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY,TOMORROW
Your thoughts first waking up: "What am i suppose to do today?"
Your best physical feature: Let me see... My eyes??? I dunnoe..
Your bedtime: I've no bedtime... Tired=sleep
Your most missed memory:My childhood & times spent with Dad
LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK
Pepsi or Coke: Coke..
McDonald's or Burger King: Macs...
Single or group dates: Singledepending on who's dating
Adidas or Nike: Erm... both will do just fine...
Lipton Tea or Nestea: Lipton tea
Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla
Cappuccino or coffee: Cappuccino
LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
Smoke: NOPE!!!
Take a shower: DUH!!!
Have a crush: Now??? Dun think so...
Think you've been in love: Yup...
Want to get married: YUP!!!
Believe in yourself: Okie lah... not really though...
Think you're a health freak: dun think so...
LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH
Drank alcohol: yup
Gone to the mall: duh
Been on stage: dun think so
Eaten Sushi: nope
Been dumped: dunnoe
Gone skating: nope
Dyed your hair: yup!!!
LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER
Played a stripping game: No..
Gotten beaten up: mayb mayb not...
Changed who you were to fit in: dun think so...
LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLD
Age your hoping to be married: 25 i think... but studying & all...i dunnoe when i can get married oso...
LAYER NINE: IN GIRL/IN GUY
Best eye color: brown... blue... lovely eyes will do...
Best hair color: brown... nice nice colour can le...
Short or long hair: it depends seriously...
LAYER TEN: WHAT WERE YOU DOING
1 MINUTE AGO: copy & paste stuff
1 MINUTE AGO: chatting
1 DAY AGO: so many things...
1 YEAR AGO: preparing for o levels..
LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE
I LOVE: to read & dance
I FEEL: lyk dancing jive
I HATE: not nice to hate.. its painful...
I HIDE: my darkest secrets... most of the times my feelings
I MISS: daddy & alot more..
I NEED: to buy lots of stuff...
That's finally the end of everything...
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Hello...
Went to Grace's blog...She sang a new song...& this song suits my feelings...Miss youMiss you... Everyday and every night, this feeling Id fight Try as I might but I wont win, I surrender, Id die You are winning here alright Every morning when the sun would shine on me Id flash a smile but deep inside I feel so sad and lonely I need you here and now I miss you Its crazy to pretend that I dont think of you The more this feeling just seems to grow and grow I miss you Oh how much longer can I hold on to Maybe you can come and tell me that you miss me too Miss you...All I want is for this love to last forever You walked away, never came back, oh I tried to recover I cant bear it boy alright When I hear a song that we had used to share Ill try as I might to hide the tears, and when the pain is over Ill wish that you are near I miss you Its crazy to pretend that I dont think of you The more this feeling just seems to grow and grow I miss youOh how much longer can I hold on to Maybe you can come and tell me that you miss me too Miss you...The song goes lyk this [click]
I feeling all better le... No more cramps...Yipee.... =)Can dance properly later...Think we're learning jive later i think...Competition is approaching...Not confident of my routine though...I'm still praying that i'll have lots of extra time to practice....Hope that i will do well for latin...Have no confidence for standard though...How now brown cow...Should i still stay on & concentrate on standard....How how... or should i juz anyhow anyhow, so long s can scrap through can already...I hope that during the Nov comp, we wun have to do standard...Do latin can already...I wanna compete in jive oso lehz...Hehe...Jive's fun... I love Latin... =)Okie lah... Shall ende here for now... Cya...
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Sunday, September 24, 2006
I'm sick!!!Dunnoe how i'm going to go out later..Hope by tuesday my cramps are gone...I need to dance...I Swear i do need to dance...Its my only area of transfer of feelings...That's the only thing i need now...But i dunnoe i f i can or not...Dunnoe if he'll still come by lyk previous times to show care & concern for me..I wonder...But i doubt so...
Cramps are lyk damn pain lah...Haiz...=(To best friend: Hey... Thanks for being there for me when i needed a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear to hear me out.. Thanks for allowing me to cry when i felt the need to cry... Thanks for keeping me company late in the night though you're very tired... Thanks for everything.. =) you've been an exceptionally dear friend to me.. Thanks... Stay happy ya...
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Okie...I'm sad..Very sad...Why do tears stain my pillow at night...why do my heart feels so pain at times...Why do i even feel this way...Can't i be who i used to be..Who's even willing to accept me for who i am...I miss the times when i knew that H-A-P-P-I-N-E-S-S happiness existed in my life...I miss the times when i knew that L-O-V-E love existed in my life...I miss the times when i knew that C-A-R-E care from you existed...I miss the times when i knew that C-O-N-C-E-R-N concern from you were present...I miss the F-U-N fun we shared before...I miss the M-E-M-O-R-I-E-S memories we hold together...E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G evenything's gone now...G-O-N-E...Oh God...That jealousy still exist...Do i still feel for you???Why can't i get rid of those feelings...Why must i see u nearly everyday...Is that why i can't get rid of wad i'm feeling now...All i ask for now is friendship...I'm vulnerable...You know it...Yet you still took the chance & opportunity to hurt me...I can't believe i trust you...I can't believe i fell f or you..The stupidity is overwhelming...I'm hurt... Deeply hurt..I know your heart, mind & soul isn't with me...Why can't i do the same thing...I'm gullible...I'm weak...I've lost alot this year...You had to add to the saddness i have..You know wads going on in my life...Oh God...Why was i so stupid to walk up that nice hill with you...Why was i so dumb to walk up & gave you that chance to throw me down...Yes yes i know i have friends around me...These friends are pple i love...I want to love you as a friend too...Why wun you give me a chance to share my love for others with you...All i ask is friendship...Is that so tough...Haiz...Why why why....Oh well...Conflicting feelings...Dance practices...Competition..Family...You...My loveable friends...These are the things on my mind now..Any how...Today met my dance partner @ AMK MRT station...I was punctual...Went to meet Darren, Jasmine, Cheryl Chong @ Marina Square for dinner...Gosh.. Darren's lame lah...I swear i was absolutely embarrassed during dinner lah..But yet... These pple are really fun...They can really make my day by juz making me laugh...Seriously laugh out loud... *Thanks Jasmine, Cheryl & Darren*After we left, we were walking to S&G for practice when the rest decided to go look for Carrie...Went to B&Js to find Carrie...Saw Serene... Missed her...Was told that there's a Sentosa outing with the gfs on Monday...Now i need is the details...I miss my gfs...I will definately go meet them... Cuz i've no programme planned...Saw Carrie...Darren bought Jasmine & I ice-cream... *Thanks Darren*But we paid him back lah...
Secretly... Dunnoe if he found out..Practice for lyk quite a while...Consulted Melvin & Sharon about our routine...After that asked Darren & Jasmine to try out a timed dance...While watching Darren & Jasmine dance, manage to visualise my routine...Tried to fit my routine with the timing...So shall visualise more & see how it goes..Danced till about 2240...Left S&G @ 2245...Caught a train home...Stopped @ AMK...Wanted to catch a bus home...But was damn scared to walk home by myself, cuz no1's with me...So ya...
Took a cab instead...Reached home @ 2345...Mummy's aslp by the time i reached home..Was hungry...So ate dinner after changing & stuff...So my meal wasn't dinner was lyk breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper & next day's breakfast all in one...I know those who see this is so gonna kill me, but i'm stating a fact...Oh well.. This entry is long...Consist of my feelings now & the day's event...Oh okie den... Shall end here... Cya...
Friday, September 22, 2006
Friday, September 22, 2006
Hello...Quite alot of events these few days...But lazy to update all... So shall do a summary k...20th September 2006 (Wednesday)Went out to spent time with best friend...Met Shaina den came home...21st September 2006 (Thursday)Bought my clothes for waltz...Best friend bought me a nice long dress... *THANKS BEST FRIEND BIGGGGG HUUUUGGGGSSS*Bought Caryn's early birthday cake...Went back to school...Hid the cake...With the help of Michelle, Jasmine, Darren & Desmond...Celebrated Caryn's birthday..Cake was good... *Delicious*Learnt the whole of seniors cha cha cha set C within the night... *Tough thing to do*Took bus home with Lenny & Deborah...Exactly 1 month to Johor Comp...22nd September 2006 (Friday)Had a quarrel with mummy in the morning...Had lunch with best friend...He came home with me to watch 'Shall We Dance!'I iron the clothes while we watched the show...Hanged the clothes...Shaina came home...He went home & went to work...Couldn't send Lenny, Fiona, Caryn & Yy off to Korea cuz mummy didn't allow....Tt's the reason for the morning quarrel...PS to Fiona, Lenny, Caryn & Yy: Enjoy yourself ya... Have fun...That's all for today lohr... Counting down to comp: 29 days more...Shall end here now...Cya..
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Hello...I'm back...Life hasn't been good...Got our new house...Dunnoe when we're moving...Practice is tough...I'm not paying attention...I'm losing chemistry between my partner & I...My dances hasn't been going on s fantastic...I'm feeling lost everytime i dance...I dun want to start dancing for the sake the dancing now...I love the dance...Can i juz literally stop feeling this way...I'm not paying attention...Everytime when i feel tt i'm failing.. Daddy springs to my mind...I remember he used to tell me this: he used to say friends come & go, but i can't really understand how u feel.. i juz want u to know tt even if heaven falls, daddy will always be here for youI miss him... I really do...I wanna pour out everything inside me...I want to..But i can't...I dunnoe how to face him if i do tt...I dunnoe how he'll react...I dunnoe..I dun wanna feel hurt again...I dun want pple sad again...Y not let me be the sad 1 & see others happy...Darling Deborah i know u mean well...But i'm scared...I'm really frighten...I dun want to get hurt or feel hurt once more...I dunnoe wad i should do...I feel damn lost...Anyhow...Today i went out with Caryn & Cheryl...The 3 Cs went out shopping for Waltz skirt...Cannot find any nice long skirt...But found lovely tops & skirts...Caryn & I have another date on Thurs...We're again going to scout for skirts..During dance we had techniqu lesson for cha cha cha & rhumba...Den practice quite alot...Den during Waltz lesson i thought my time of the month came...Rushed to the toliet realising tt it was a false alarm...Missed the steps for waltz..Had a pretty hard time learning...Dunnoe how to follow the lead of my partner...So sorry...Didn't feel tt good...The ball of my feet hurts lyk mad...Didn't feel too good...Had cramps & all...That's when i long for care & concer frm you...But it wasn't expressed...So ya...Anyhow.. Cabbed home with Janani, DesmondDropped Michelle off @ the bus stop near her house...I love these pple...I think the few pple i really really love are Desmond, Michelle, Lina, Eveleen, Caryn, Deborah & Lenny...Desmond, Deborah, Lenny - know most abt me... They're my family...Michelle, Lina, Eveleen, Caryn - Really care for me during dance... They make me laugh & happy...These pple are angels sent from heaven...Thanks pple...Oh well..Think i will end here now... Cya...
Friday, September 15, 2006
Friday, September 15, 2006
Haiz...Having terrible feeling juz dun permit you a good slp...Didn't really slp last night...Had alot of thoughts running through my head...Should i find out...Should i not...Why did things turn out this way for me...Memories are things to be kept...But why...Why muz it be happy times & then times alone...Haiz...I'm lost...Lost in this whole messed up web of my own life...It really sucks..Anyway results were out this morning...It was lyk wad raining lah...Anyhow...I PASS all my modules... *praise the Lord*It wasn't that fantastic lah...But @ least i passed...I thought i would fail... But i didn't...the amazing thing was... I knew that i screw up CS1.1 but on the result slip...It reflected tt i didn't...Out of the 3 papers (CD1.1 & 1.2 & CS 1.1)...My worst paper is CD 1.2...Amazing right..That's lyk 1 of the paper i had most confidence in... But anyhow... I still PASS!!!I dun lyk study skills...Lucky next sem dun have to take it any more..But i will be STB (speech training basic)Oh welll..I'm juz glad that i didn't fail any modules...So muz promise myself, next sem & more sems to follow, i've got to do really well...That's the results part...Its raining...Its making me feel a whole lot of conflicting emotions...I feel emo - rain...I feel happy - resultsI feel upset - my lifeI have flash backs - my memoriesI hear thunder - I'm scaredDIED!!!!!! i'm MOOD SWINGING AGAIN!!!!!!!!Oh God, juz take me home will you...I'm tired of having conflicting feelings...I'm tired of growing up...I'm tired of falling in love...I'm tired of being who i am, when i dunnoe...I'm tired of not being able to express my feelings to others...I'm tired of having to put on an act that all's well withing me when its not..I'm tired of having to face that some1 & feel jealous & not knowing wads going on...I'm tired of living on memories...I'm tired really tired...Juz take me home will you...Really...Haiz...I miss the times we shared during study break.. (2006)I miss the times we shared during the O levels... (2005)I miss the times when you listened to me... (2005 & 2006)I miss the times when you put your hands on my shoulders & say everything's going to be fine... (2006)I miss the times when i could look @ you & seriously smile... (2006)I miss the times i had during my birthday... (2006)I miss my childhood...I miss the bus rides... (2006)I miss the outings... (2006)I miss the past...I miss the times...I miss...I really do...All i ask is for it all to be replayed...Is it so hard...I dun wanna feel lyk this anymore...Seriously..
Friday, September 15, 2006
Oh well..I have this really sucky feeling...& it only occurs whenever i see that 1 person...I really dunnoe y...I feel jealous...I seldom feel jealous...Oh god...Muz i really let it all go...Clarissa... Can u do it...I really dunnoe...But this feeling is overwhelming..I cannot take it...Questions flood my mind...Should i even ask...Haiz...Why is all this happening..Can i turn back the clock...Why did it even happen....Why did everything happen so fast...haiz..Oh god... Get me out of it...I feel terrible... Everytime... I feel terrible...I dun wanna mood swing...All i wanna know is now... wads happening now... Can u or anyone jux tell me...Haiz...Anyway...Dance on tues (12th September)... we polish up our rhumba... Den we had Waltz lesson... Melvin wants us to take part in it too...Was lyk dancing for more den 5 hours lah... Came home with an aching body...dance on thurs (14th September)...confirmed that i can go for comp...Was practicing dance...Den came the waltz song...Got me into serious mood swing man.. Was lyk having conflicting feelings...Memories flood back... Lots of them...Den plus the aching of my leg & wad not...Mood swing + an aching body + conflicting feelings = terrible time...Didn't had a chanced to dance it all out...Went outside to sit, closed my eyes... looked @ the night sky... Tears couldn't help but started to fall...Walked to the stand @ the track...Sat there... prayed... cried wad i could..Den i decided to walk back into the dance room...I'm juz so not myself @ dance..i kindda blasted @ desmond in dance oso... *sorry desmond*haiz...Wads happening to me...Oh well...seeing lenny & deborah together makes me feel sad for myself..But... Haiz..i'm happy tt they're so loving.. Serious,...Oh well... Think i shall end here now...Cya...
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Hello...I'm back to juz say hi...Its tues... Results would be back on FRIDAY!!!I'm scared man... very scared...Oh well.. wads done is done... & it cannot & will not be undone...So ya... Its part & pracel of life ain't it...Haiz...Okie...So anyway... Nothing much's happening...Had a couple of things on my mind...The competition in October... Mummy is okie with me going now... But the final decision is with God Ma...I seriously pray that God Ma allows me to go...Seriously *praying praying*Went to Compass Point yest...Missed the Secondary school days... I really miss those days...So i juz thought of refreshing my memories in SJC...I MISS SJC...I miss the times when i was in Sec 1, 2, 3 & 4...Sec 1 - 1EnduranceMrs freeman - FTMonitress...Tough time for me...Many back-stabbed me...My close friends in Sec 1: Carmen, Yi Ying ( i can only remember this 2)I remember me kneeling in front of Mrs Lily Tan (art teacher) asking her to let my class off - not to book us becuz we were rowdy...I remember Mrs Choo Poh Poh & her science lesson... How she gave out the 'Spirit of SJC' stickers when we complete her hmk... Haha...I remember our late DM - Ms Josephine Leow... How she would stand @ the main gate & 'catching' those girls who were late for assembly... How she would stand @ the foyer to catch students with inappropriate attire... I remember my 1st day @ school.. Amaze @ the size of the school... Amaze @ the school system: Homeroom system (walk from 1 class to another)POP - Cried badly cuz seniors were leaving...band was tough... Training was terrible... Seniors were strict... Band timing were lyk 3 times a week, includin holidays... Had camp... Band was fun yet tough...Was chosen as probate by the prefectorial board... Was over the moon..Was running for position in House as Lower Sec Rep with Kim Chew, Darylyn, Michelle Ang..Had to do my 1st rally... Damn scared... But it all went well... Cuz i got CHOSEN as LOWER SEC REP!!!That's Sec 1Sec 2 - 2EnduranceWas under probation to becoming a prefect...Remembered all my prefectorial dutites that i had to perform...my mentor - Mei Ni...having to walk down our IC classes everyday to check for appropriate attire...Recess duties... Checking that every class cleaned up their tables after using them..Had to come up with duty roster every week...Doing duties with Hasyimah, Kimberly Tiang & Chew, Darylyn, Xiang Li, Mandy, Carmen & so many others...Was also House Leader - Lower Sec Rep with Darylyn...How i got scolded by Captain of St. emilie in front of her classmates when i dunnoe wad i did wrong... Okie mayb i knew... Last minute work was the problem...Streaming...Studied really hard... Form teacher Ms Chew Hui Leng...Times we shared as a class... Esp, the uniform group pple... Esp times before POP... We help each other with the basic marching - receiving promotions, the songs that were being played, the salute, etc... all the times..Band.. Ms Chew was band teacher... My 1st SYF... Didn't do well.. Got a COP... Still i tried... We tried... Training wasn't as tough as Sec 1... But was still tough & strict..That's Sec 2Sec 3 - 3EnduranceForm teacher Ms Yu Dong...Met Mathilda, Shu Anne, Beatrice, Regina..Mrs Debra Tan & her English lesson... Mr Arman & his history/Social Studies lesson... Mrs Annie Ong & A Maths lesson... Mr Pang & Physics lesson... Mrs Cherry Lim & Biology lesson..Failed my 1st exam overall... Panic... Cried lyk hell... Regret...Daddy was there... Mrs Tan helped me pass my English with flying colours... Mr Arman had high hopes on me & history & was his final year in SJC... A Maths with Mrs Ong... Her hmk were terribly alot... Her scoldings were terrible... Initially we got terrible scoldings, after that we became smart... We never got scolded... her lessons were fun... We produced results... *clap clap* Mr Pang's Phy lesson... Very slack... Haha... Fun times... Always failed this subject i remember... Mrs Cherry Lim... Always calling me Vanessa... Dunnoe y... Always helping her run errands oso... She didn't seem to like me too... Mayb cuz i fail to many times... Was finally promoted from a probate to a student council... Got my tie... Hehe... Repeat doing the same duties as Sec 2... Got promoted from Lower Sec Rep to Secretary of St. Emilie... Was also given a position in band as if i never remember wrongly quarter mistress.. Eventually at the end of the year passed well.. Really well... Was over the moon... My teachers were happy for me... I've got promoted to Sec 4... That's Sec 3...Sec 4 - 4DilligenceForm teacher - Mr Chris Chang...O level year... Got closer to my gfs... Mathilda, Li Ting, Beatrice, Charlotte... Sat together for nearly every class... Worked hard together for Os...Mr Chang & Physics lesson... Mrs Cherry Lim & Biology lesson... Mr Tan Ghim Chuan & A Maths lesson... Ms fonseka & english lesson... Ms Lim Meng Kiat & E maths lesson... Ms Lim & history lesson... Mrs Susie Lee & Social Studies lesson... Ms Yu Dong & Chinese lesson...Physics lesson was okie... Mr Chang will scold pple... den he will give us a lecture on ourselves... Cuz he's our FT.. He really did alot to help my gfs & i... He come back during our study break to give us extra lesson & to clear our doubts... Mrs Lim gave us hints for Bio paper.. She spot topics for us to study... She started to like me... But still calling me Vanessa... Mr Tan & A maths... His lesson is chatting time... Mathilda, Xueling, Rachael & Fatin... Its lyk time to have fun... Hahah.. We seldom pay attention to him @ all... *Sorry Mr Tan* Ms Lim & E maths... Lesson was okie... She had high aims for Mat & I... She's a nice teacher... Always making us practice alot for maths... Ms Fonseka... English lesson... fun time... Sometimes boring cuz muz do either compo or compre.. But we still have fun... haha... Ms Lim's lesson... okie... i pay attention... Copy notes... Still can pass, but not s well s Sec 3... Mrs Susie Lee.. Social studies... She's a good teacher... Really allow me to know my work really well... she's good... Her lesson is lyk fun & every1 will be running to her class from the class before & usually the class before is either right in front of the school, near the foyer or its usually after recess... & her classroom is lyk located @ the last block of the school & @ the last floor lah... so ya.. running time... Cuzno1 wants to be caught s being the last 1... Cuz muz answer qns 1... so ya.. Ms Yu Dong... Chinese... Alot of practice for Chinese Os... Thanks yu Lao SHi...Council - Final year... Stepped down... had a nice stepping down... Cried on tt day oso... Mummy came to see me step down... band - POP... Our POP... Did slow march on parade Square... Felt really proud... Finally graduating... Felt sad... Cried quite a bit... Ya... Had graduation night @ Rasa Sentosa - Shangri La... Enjoyed that night throughly... Though its the last night as an SJCian... Stayed over @ the hotel... Shared room with Xueling, Mag, Joan & Yvonne... But half the time i was with Mat they all in their room... We had fun.. We went out to 7-eleven in a cab to but cup noodles... spent lyk wad nearly $20 on cab fare... Ya... But it was fun.. Cuz stupid uncle told us ghost story... Serene, Regina we all were frighten... Ya...That's Sec 4...Finally graduated from SJC... All these memories were my best memories i had...Those were the days i enjoyed...Life became smooth for me after Sec 3...Daddy understood wad i went through...We spent mornings in the car talking to each other...Understanding each other...he helped me alot...Mummy was there emotionally supporting me...Shaina had her PSLE...We were 1 happy family...Daddy was sad when he saw me rushing my punishments & my hands got blisters & when i told him that lao shi still made me carry on... He was sad...I rush all our projects & hmk in the middle of the night..He would always rush me to bed... Cuz he say ample rest is important...
He understood everything i went through...Sec 4... Daddy broke my psychological barrier of my breakdown & phobia in the O levels...He was very sad to see me the way i was...But he still pushed me along... He made me understand the importance of studying...He was there for me..Though the times during prelims, every morning he will make me cry in the car...But he was still there for me...He encouraged & always wish me luck every morning before my paper...I remeber every morning when i left the car either in tears or with a smile..I know deep within his heart & mine... We Love each other...I feel regretful for i have taken him for granted when he was around...I didn't take the initiative to know him better... To love him more...To hug him more often & kiss him on the cheeks & tell himDADDY I LOVE YOU!!!I rememeber New Year's Eve... He went on a business trip to China...He went before the countdown & came back after it...I remember the time when he walked out of the door before heading for the airport...I felt sad not to have daddy by my side...That was the time when i thought to myself...
Wad if daddy left me for good..Wads going to happen to me...Now i know wads happening to me...To Daddy:Daddy.. I know you can see this or know wad i'm thinkin... Daddy i've got lots to say to you... You've been my bestest friend ever... You stood by me whenever i need you... When my gfs & i had any problems... You advice me & allow me to cry beside you... You scold me & had high hopes for me... I'm truely sorry for letting you down... I'm sorry for taking you for granted... Daddy if only i could turn back the clock... I really want to make it up for you... daddy... I'm really sorry for letting you down when you were around... I'm sorry... Now i know no matter how much i want to hug or even hold u its impossible... but i just want you to know that I LOVE YOU!! Memories of daddy & SJC are linked... These 2 memories are memories that i cannot forget...This were the times when i knew God actually was in my life...He touched my life...He brought me close to him...Prayers are important...Anyhow... I've got dance later...Going to meet Marc for lunch before dance...Its great to spend time with my best friend... Its much better den me being alone at home... *Thanks best friend**Wonder wad we're going to do in dance today... Either rhumba technics or Jive...I can't wait to start Jive... =)Cya...
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Hey...Have been so tired recently to even update..Have been going out these 2 days...spent time with my friends & Shaina...so decided not to go out today... Shall stay home & rest... Shaina's going back to school on Monday...Den i'm going to be left @ home ALONE!!!Oh well...Shall update on the past 2 days...8th September 2006 (Friday)Went to watch movie with Marc, Shaina, Lenny, Yy, Carrie, Jasmine & Darren...Supposedly to watch movie with Marc & Shaina,Den Deb called me telling me that Lenny would be in town with Yy,So i decided to invite them to watch movie too...Arranged with them,& they said okie...Oso thought of Carrie & Jasmine...So called invited them & they said okie...When everything 'was' settled, i went to buy lyk 7 tickets...We used up 1 whole row... Ya...Anyway... Abt 30 mins before the movie started,Darren called me & said that he was coming too... & asked me to get a ticket for him..So went to the counter... Thank God the row in front of us had 2 empty seats...If not the last person would have to seat somewhere else...Watched Monster House...Its a okie show lah... Not bad...But had alot if suppense in it..Was kindda scared lah... Cuz of the sound effects & all...But it was nice...After the movie, Shaina wanted to go to the wallet shop, so we walked over to Hereen & realised it was closed...After that followed Yy to taka & to art friend...He wanted to get some art materials... Shaina too..So after we got our stuff, we went into kino..We stood there for quite a while, den end up having nice chats...Faiz came a while later & the group went off for dinner while Marc, Shaina & I went home...=)9th September 2006 (Saturday)Went to Sentosa with Cheryl Chong, Yy, Taz, Carrie & Faiz...Was suppose to meet @ Harbour Front @ 1000... I arrive @ 1015..& i was lyk e 2nd 1 there...the 1st 1 there was Yy.. He's lyk extremely early lah... Oh well.. Taz came a while after me...
Den suppose to meet Cheryl & the MRT station, we missed her & she ended up waiting for us @ the interchange.. The queue for the sentosa bus is lyk long lah.. Den we went to eat... Den the queue was still very long, so we decided to cab into Sentosa...Haha... So we cabbed into Sentosa & cabbed into Siloso beach... After we laid the mat & all.. We sat down & chat... Chat for a while before going into the water...Den Taz & Cheryl 'taught' many many lessons... I taught a couple of lessons too.. Haha...We played in the water for quite quite a long while... Cheryl & I tan quite a bit...Den Carrie came.. She was late... So asked her for a treat... She's so nice lah... Buy us ice-cream... *Thanks Carrie*After eating the ice-cream, Cheryl & I followed Carrie to change...After that we went back into the water again...The waves were lyk huge lah...Den i was lyk being manipulated by it...Wanted to hold on to something or stand up oso cannot..Cuz the waves were lyk continuing & strong lah... Den got swept on shore..Den after that Yy, became my 'sea piller' had to hold onto him to gain support against the waves... *Thanks Yy*Den we decided to play games... We had all kinds of nonsensical games lah... Telling random stories by having each person to say 3 words... Den oso have the no link game i think (its tt wads its called) Its lyk 1 person say something & u got to say another thing within 5 secs & it muz not be related to the other person's topic...Haha... I won Taz twice... Haha..After that Faiz came... He came into the water & we carried on our game of 'storytelling'After that, Yy, Taz, & I stayed in the water & chat for a while, cuz on shore its really cold...When I went back on shore... I was lyk shivering lah.. So cold can...Den we went to shower...Pretty okie... Realised we all got burnt, except Carrie.. She got burnt on her nose lah...Den the 3 girsl, apply aloe vera in the toliet..Came out, applied aloe vera for Yy & Taz...But Yy was worst off den any of us lah... He's lyk red lah... On the shoulders & on the back...Poor guy... Dunnoe how's he going to dance on tues with Caryn..So help him apply aloe vera on his back & shoulders..& he was RADIATING HEAT lah... So warm can...After that we took the tram to the beach station...Bought food @ 7-eleven & we sat @ the bench & eat...After eating, the queue for the bus backk to visitor's departure Centre is lyk long lah...So we decided to walk to the departure centre...Den somehow we walked past Palawan beach & the southern most part of SEA... till we reached dolphin lagoon...Den we waited fro the bus to departure centre..When we reach departure centre, we decided to walk to the MRT...So we did..While walking... i had a nice chat with Faiz...Told him that Jasmine, Carrie & I deciding to make costume @ the end of this year... Ya...Den we talked our way to the MRT...After that Faiz went home, the rest of us took MRT...Was suppose to alight @ Serangoon, but alighted with Taz, Cheryl & Carrie @ Dohby Ghaut.. Cuz me went to meet Mummy & her friends for dinner... Leaving Yy to go to Kovan by himself.. Haha...
Met Jasmine & Darren...Went with them to Cini to get Taz's stuff..Den they went Long John's for dinner...Me walked over to CK Tangs to meet mummy & her friends..Had a good dinner @ 1 of the rest @ taka.. the food's good.. the price is better... $487 for 8 of us man...After that walked over to borders & sat down & chat..We were chatting abt me & dance...So u see every1's opinions coming out...Pretty intense conversation...After that we alll went home cuz its lyk 12 midnight already...=)So that's all for the past 2 days & today.. Cya... =)
Friday, September 08, 2006
Friday, September 08, 2006
Name 20 people you can think of right now. Don't read the questions below until you name 20 people. Ready? Start!1. Mathilda2.Charlotte3. Beatrice4. Li Ting5. Regina6. Eveleen7. Mellissa8. Grace9. Josephine10. Marc11. Carrie12. Desmond13. Lenny14. Deborah15. Xueling16. Shaina17. Lynn18. Liz19. Cheryl Chong20. Jasmine1. How did you meet 14? Oh... NP Dancesport2. What would you do if you never met 1? I think i wouldn't have so much fun in Secondary School3. What would you do if 19 and 20 dated? Huh??? Oh gosh no no no...4. Have you ever liked 19? I like her as a friend... She's small, she's cute & she's a GOOD dancer5. Would 6 and 17 make a good couple? Obviously not... They're girls...6. Describe 3. Haha... She's fun... Lame... Full of laughter... Haha... Damn good a friend..7. Do you think 8 is attractive? Yup... Grace is pretty... hehe... =)8. Say something about 7. Pretty pretty girl...9. Do you know any of 12's family? His real one... nope... But not in reality, he's my brother... Haha...10. What's 8's favourite? Singing... I think...11. What would you do if 18 confessed that he/she likes you? Oh no no no... I'll freak & scold her ahr...12. What language does 15 speaks? English duh!!!!13. Who is 9 going out with? I think no1... She stays so far lah... Mayb have also we dunnoe... But i dun think so... I think she's single14. How old is 16 now? 13...15. When was the last time you spoke to 13? Hmmm... Yesterday... 7th Sept...16. What is 2's favourite band/singer? I have no idea.... Opps..17. Would you ever date 4? No... SHE is my good friend man... and SHE's a SHE... I'm straight...18. Would you ever date 7? NO & would NEVER!!! I"M STRAIGHT!!!19. Is 15 single? I'm not very sure... mayb yet mayb not...20. What is 10's last name? Chung... 21. Would you ever be in a serious relationship with 11? NO!!! She's a GIRL!!!22. What school does 3 goes to? We use to be in the same school & same class... Now she's in NYP23. Where does 6 lives? Close to opposite my house with a few mins walk...24. What's your favourite thing about 5? Her actions... but its juz regina...25. Have you seen number 1 naked? Nope & never would want to... Okie so i dun really know my friends that well uh... Oh well.. Haha.. Anyway... Juz bored... So i did that.. Ya...
Friday, September 08, 2006
Went swimming this morning...Was lyk 30 mins late...Cuz waited for Shaina & the taxi...Met Desmond & Marc den swam from 1030++ till 1200... Came home...Marc tutor Shaina Geog...Den cab down to J8 cuz i was late again...Den went to get Lenny's birthday present...Den went to get Lenny's birthday cake....After that took a bus down to school...Desmond went to Mac to buy his tea/dinner, i'm not sure...Den walk to school from Macs...By the time we got there, the room isn't open @ all...So sat @ the spectators stand & watch the dragonboat pple...Goodness... Their training is scary lah..Thank God i'm not in dragonboat...Wonder how they can actually endure their training man...Finally the room is opened...Went in, got changed & all..Desmond taught Faiz Rhumba set C & i taught Michelle...After that dance with Faiz Rhumba till my partner came..Today. i must say i seriously practice man...Started dancing since wad 6+++ till nearly 2200 just now...Oh yes... Today's Lenny's birthday...We bought him a cake & celebrated it for him...Ya...Saw the smile on his face... Think he's happy lah...After dance, went to Macs to buy dinner...Cabbed home with Lenny & Deborah...Ya... Tt's how my day went...Spent alot of money today...Going to go broke soon...I'm going out tmr... FINALLY to catch a MOVIE!!I've waited SO SO SO LONG!!!Okie lah... Shall end here...Cya.. =)To Lenny:Hey brother-in-law... HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY!!! Hope you enjoyed your birthday... Take care of my dear sister... Best of luck in everything you do & hope you like the cake & the present... I'll see you ard ya... Esp in the dance room... HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY ONCE AGAIN!!!!
He gave me a souvenir from Korea... *Thanks Yy*
Lenny bought me a husky in a bag... So cute.. Its my fav breed of Dog..
Haha... *Thanks Lenny*
