Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Hello**
today's the 19th...
Sunday was the 17th...
It was lyk daddy's 2nd year's anniversary...
It really suck...
Everything just built up till the 17th...
I've been containing it...
Telling myself not to think abt it...
But i feel even worst this year, cuz i realise that after he left me for 2 whole years, i achieved nothing...
Really achieved NOTHING!!!!
I miss him so much...
I can't pick up the pieces...
I dunnoe wad to do...
I really wished he was still here...
Daddy, You really mean alot to me...I'm sorry for letting you down...They tell me that you're always here with me...But its not the same...I'm sorry i haven't been strong enough to hold up this entire family & myself...I'm sorry i achieved nothing to make both you & mummy proud...Daddy, i'm so sorry...I'm sorry i cried so much on the 17th...I know i should not have, but i really can't contain it anymore...Why must you leave me now...I know tt wasn't what you wanted..But my life crumbled & i can't piece them back anymore...Iwent back to SJC that day to see the SJC take back their o level results...I stood there & all i thought about was you...How melanie & i will picture that day so badly, so that i would not be shipped off cuz of my results...How mummy & i will see that day when you would be there with the both of us walking up to Mr Chang to collect my results...Or even be the first to see my result slip & tell me i did well & that you're proud of me...I never hear that from you ever...I dunnoe if i have even done you proud...i never do anything for you & i'm sorry...I got closer to you when i turn 15...How i would tell you that you mean so much to me & that you're my 1st ever boyfriend i ever had...A year later you left me...That year mean so much to me...During that year i saw your love, i saw your concern, i saw that you finaly understood what Shaina & i were going through in school...& your expectations, esp for me...How you were disappointed when i fail my english for the first ever time...& i showed you the worst ever results of my life due to prelims...I saw that you cared when you realised i was in depression and that i needed help..you took time out for me...You found out what is wrong...You encourage me eveytime i am feeling down & disheartened cuz i can't do as well as i expect myself to do...Daddy, there's so much i want to thank you for...There's also so much i miss...Daddy...If i can wish for one thing...I wish that i can take over you in heaven, & you stay here with mummy & shaina...Cuz you mean the world to us...I just want you back here with us...That's all i want...But i know its impossible...It never ever gonna happen...**How time flies**
**How much emotions were contained**
**There's so much i want to say**
**Will you listen**
Friday, February 15, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
Hello**
It's been really quite some time since i wrote something...
Anyways...
Yesterday was the 14th of february...
Had me first valentine's day with brian...
Simple but enjoyable...
Thanks darling...
Its been quite a while since something nice came along...
So really enjoyed the 14th of feb...
Days before that just hasn't been good at all...
Haven't been happy...
thinking alot...
Can't slp...
Loss of appetite...
Haiz...
Wadever lah...
But thank god no suicide thought this time...
Unless you count those i pray for accidents to happen to me lah...
I miss Valentine's day in SJC...
How those adorable pple in school can actually make you forget you worst days and never fail to put that smile on your face...
Swells...
Mummy was talking abt this time 2 years ago...
Today's the day that daddy was admitted into that silly hospital 2 years ago...
It was also the day when my life started hitting the turn...
this sunday is daddy's 2nd death anniversary...
How time flies...
I haven't achieve much in these 2 years...
Nothing i've done seems right...
So much for taking over daddy...
Carrying everything..
Mayb cuz its the time of the year again...
& everything is hitting me bad..
Pple say they understand...
How much do they really really understand...
Nvm...
Not many pple experienced the loss of a family member...
Not many pple oso experience leaving their comfort zone and being the only and final surviving pillar of support to everyone in the family...
Not many pple experience relatives forsaking you & your family when you need them the most..
Pple tell me that things will work out one day...
when will that day arrive...
Will i even be able to see that day...
When will the rain stop and the sun rise...
**Will the rain even stop for me****When will i see the rainbow****Do i even know wad i'm doing**
**Daddy i miss you**
