Time off to think abt things by myself again...
=)
Something i realise i lyk to do these days...
I oso realise that reading calms me down real well...
I'm on a reading frenzy...
I finish 2 books in a week...
Is that good or bad,
I really dunnoe...
What i do know is my money is disappearing fast...

Haha...

A msg came in this morning during my 1st tuition session & it put a nice smile on my face...
But i feel somewhat a feeling of missing...
I wonder what it really mean???
But a sudden fear hit me again...
I was close to stoning, but thank God for my student there & then...
She's so funny & entertaining...
She just made me not lose myself in my train of thoughts, cuz she was talking non-stop..
Haha...

Oh wells..

That feeling i had...
Was an interesting feeling...
Wonder if things will remain, move on or never ever happen...













**A small feeling of missing**
**Tells me more than a little**
**It feels nice**
**But what do i want**

Had my 2nd dance lesson today...
It was simple & interesting...
Have to practice on the timing...

The train journey home just now allowed me to think through lots of stuff.
Who i really am,
what i mean to those ard me
Do i even mean anything...
How significant is my presence in pple's life...

I somehow feel that, i am not that important..
I still feel lyk i'm here to touch & change pple's life...
How often have i been really happy???

I truely want to relive my secondary school love & innocence..
I just want to be happy...
That happiness that i want to feel is a type of feeling that comes truely from the bottom of my heart...
I just want to smile & laugh from the bottom of my heart...
I wonder if that's gg to be ever achieveable...













**Do you think that's acvhievable**
**Do you think that's ever going to happen**
**Do you think I'll truley be happy**
**Do you think my confusion will fade**
**& my answer to my confusion will solve my problem**

Hols this time round is good..
=)
Went tanning with the girls...
Got a little burnt on my nose, cheecks & my shoulders..
Better then the previous time i was there...
Played volleyball & went cycling...
It was really fun...
Hanging out with them was just great fun...

The bad part of the day was i crashed into the pole while cycling..
It hurt real bad...
The after effects: Brusies...
Terrible brusies...
But i still had fun...
=)

Today...
TEACHER'S DAY!!!!!!!
Went back to SJC with Mathilda & Amanda...
Haha...
Had school food again...
Oh it was heavenly...
Haha...
So much for missing them since 3 years ago...
Hahha...
Bought Mr Chang mooncakes for present & Mrs Freeman a box of cookies for present...
Realise its more practical..
Cuz flowers are what everyone is giving...
So no use lah...

Missed the teachers in the school...
Walked around & i felt that sense of familiarity...
Was chatting with Mrs Elaine Koh in the end...
Her advice & encouragement towards many things that we brought up was very heartwarming...
I was taking to her abt life & my r/s...
He answer to it...
Was to pray...
Everything happens, cuz God is showing you the way...
She's right i guess...
I tld her abt my state of confusion..
& she said to pray even more & wait for God to show me the way...

Its during times lyk this, that i must really say that I thank God for sending me angels lyk her & my friends...
God do take away somethings & replace these things with others that we dunnoe..
Really...
Lyk during the time of my exam...
Some1 msg saying, "You know what you know alr, you can do it". -Something along that line-
& my 1st thought was DADDY!!!
Daddy told me that during my 2nd prelims & O levels...
It felt s though it was daddy talking to me...

Its amazing...
I thank God for pple who love me, & care for me...
He will always open the window whenever he closes the door...

I pray that everyone ard me is kept safe & sound...
Esp to those who are alone abroad or wld be gg abroad...
Keep them safe...

Anw, last night i watched a movie...
after lyk the longest time of nt stepping into a cinema theatre, i was watching a movie in a cinema...
It was a lovely movie...
The time spent then was lovely too...
Though it wasn't a very long time spent, but it will become a memory kept forever...
=)















**He will show me the way**
**He will guide me**
**He will clear my mind**
**He will be there**

Had Marketing paper today...
It was pretty crap lah...
This is the only paper i got the least confidence in...
But i was at peace with myself for finishing it lohr...
So qte happy that i manage to complete it lah...
But i do know that i made tons of mistake in the fill-in-the-blanks component...
I do feel a lil more confident with my structured qns...
But oh wells...
Its over now...

The final paper is approaching...
Can't wait for accounts to be over...
Haha...
Thursday 1800...
I'll get freedom from Semester 1...
Den have fun, work & wait for results...

Tt's when i'm gg to start worrying if i manage to pass my papers...
But worry oso no use, cuz its over le..

We girls came out with an entire string of events to celebrate post-exams...
Hahha...
Friday - k-box & movie
Monday - Shopping
Tuesday - Sentosa
Heard that Wednesday - Patty's house
Hhaha...
Wad a week...
Fun, fun, fun & more fun...
Hahah...
We really do know how to enjoy...

I'm starting to feel a lil confuse, rather more confuse then normal.. What am i feeling, what should i do??? Nee say take my time... Seems lyk there's lots of time, but eventually time will have to end, & i have to draw a conclusion & come up with a decision... Hate making decisions, but guess i'll eventually have to come out with one... But before doing so, i have to get answers to all my qns... How i'm gg to do that, i really dunnoe... We'll see... -Wish me luck-











**God will guide the way**
**He'll lead me in my journey**
**Will you take my hand & guide me too**
**Lead me through rain & shine**

Everything's officially over tonight...
The viewing hall & everything at Mandai brought back memories & tears...
Looking at what actually went on today,
The memories of 2006 is still fresh in my mind...

I wasn't feeling too good last night...
Dunnoe how i suddenly actually became sick...
But oh wells...
By 0700, i was perfectly fine...
& thank God i stayed fine till now...

I didn't really study at Grandma's hse...
Cuz there isn't mood to even pick up my books...
That feeling totally suck...
Haiz...

Econs paper is officially over..
How was the paper???
I dunnoe man...
I think if all these didn't happen, i may have the full mind to study even harder & mayb will feel more confident...
Not that i'm not confident, but i know my dream of getting an A for this paper is gone...
Sighs...

Tmr is Stats paper...
& as you know there isn't mood to study there...
I only looked throught the part on theory & memorise more than half of my formulas for tmr...
I hope i can actually remember everything that i've learnt...

Anyway, Saturday went to sent Daryl off at the airport...
Cuz some1 had to go to Brunei for training...
Bought him Jellybeans...
Wished i bought some for myself, but at that time, didn't have mood to even think abt myself...
Honestly, i kindda missed him qte a bit...
More worried then i've ever been before...
Hope that God will keep him safe...

The other Daryl's leaving for Taiwan at the end of the month....
The amazing thing abt the world being a small place is the fact that Daryl knows my cousin too, cuz apparently they're in the same camp...
How small can the world be....

When pple leave on a plane to get out of Singapore,
I have this unspeakable fear within me...
I just get very woried & very scared, even though they tell me nothing will happen to them..
But that fear just hits me real bad...
Mayb i'm being paranoid...
Mayb its cuz of the many incidents that i hear...
Mayb...
There's so many maybe's...
Sighs...













**Pray that everyone is kept same**
**I dun wanna lose anyone anymore**
**It hurts to lose 1**
**It hurts even more to lose another**
**Cuz you have to walk throught the exact same route that you went through before**

The week didn't start well...
& neither is it gg to end well...

Pple's leaving...
It was suppose to be a well planned day yesterday...
But the news came...
All plans had to change...
My feelings were mixed...

Went to the house & saw things that were somewhat familiar & somewhat strange...
Saw pple who were once close...
But all i can say is it was long over...
The body came back...
It wasn't peaceful...
His presence was still felt at home..
I cldn't sit & think through things, cuz tt's not what i'm allowed to do...
His voice to ring beside my ear...
I dare not move...
I dare not walk around..

Looking at him...
All i saw was sadness...
Nothing but that...
He's unwillingess to leave...
This situation brought me back to 3 years ago when daddy left...
Finally i hear: "I understand how you feel now"
Its painful...
But my only reply to that sentence is that "If i can go through it, you can too"

Tears were seen by everyone...
Support was there...
But the absence will forever stay...
I pity...
But who did pity us when we had the exact same situation...

13th August 2008
七月十三日
the 13 was the day that everything happen...

I feel uneasy...
I feel lyj there's this heavy stone on my heart...
I wonder will saying the rosary help me feel better...
Will it allow him to move on...
Will it???

Will it help ease the pain of everyone...
Will it help bridge the gap between everyone...
The scar left behind will forever stay..
I can forgive...
But i will never forget...
Will saying the rosary help...
will it???

Exams are round the corner...
Friday...
1st paper...
2nd paper on mon...
This 2 paper is going to be a challenge to me..
None of us can bear staying there...
How am i to study there...
Sunday morning is the day he's officially gone...
I can't really say i'll miss him...
But i do know that what he's done for us, i will rmb forever...


















**I thought abt it alot**
**Looking at the area just bring back memories**
**I'm just very upset**
**But so... Its gone**

Finally nineteen...
Whoa...
How fast time fly..

Best birthday celebration in 3 years...
Its lovely...
Had pple lyk the girls from class, jolene, lionel, my 2 OGLs, Ken & Jason & brian there celebrating for me...
Was surprised...
I was...
Though i knew something was going on...
But i didn't expect to see Jolene & Brian there...
They chose a lovely area for celebration...
The fountain area...
Wanna get the photos soon...

After the celebration at school, went to the hotel beside Swissotel the Stamford to have lunch by the pool...
Simple & healthy lunch...
Thanks Brian...
Though it was simple, but i enjoyed the time spent...

Thanks for the presents, the cards, & most importantly all the well wishes by everyone...
Thanks a lot...
Thanks for the time spent with me & for me...
I really appreciated it...
Thanks a million...
Thanks for making my day...
Thanks for the surprise...













**Finally 19**
**I've got to grow up & learn**
**Hope it will happen soon**
**A memorable day i had today**

19...
Its approaching...
my stupid keeps on saying 老了老了
So irritating...
Haha...

Went out with my dear matty today...
Had a good chat with her...
Its lyk ages since we sat down to chat...
We did shopping together too...
Love that gf of mine...
hehhe...

-Thanks babe for spending time with me today... Hope you like the sweets i bought you-

Was feeling a little worried today...
Hope everything will go well...

Anw, marketing tutorial was really hilarious today...
tutor was very funny...
He laughed along with his mistakes too...
Hhaha...
The best marketing tutorial session i ever had...
Last week for all classes...
next week is the start of exams...
count down time...

Oh yes...
8 Aug is ICA-Excel....
080808...
Shit...
I'm scared...
Past few years, starting with 050505, den 060606, den 070707
These 3 days just suck...
They were the worst time of my life...
I'm feeling a little paranoid abt my test...
I hope history wun repeat itself...













**God bless me**
**How time flies**
**Guide me**
**Hold my hand & lead me**

Another day went by...
Was totally affected by silly things today...
I teared alot today i realise...
More than i do on a normal day...

I'm worried for many many things...
Life just isn't the same...
I'm caught in tons & tons of dilema...
I've got lots & lots of thoughts running through my head...
I've got a long long list of things that i'm suppose to do...
I've got more & more expectations of myself..

Everyone is starting to study...
I realise i've changed...
I wanna be true to myself...
I dun want to be under the influence of others...
I dun want to be influenced...

I'm starting to feel a little stress...
How am i to cope with the stress...
I miss my daddy...
I really miss him...
I miss my happy days with him...
I miss all the happy days i had with him & my family...

Daddy i miss you...
I really do...
I wish i can turn back the hands of my life clock...
& prevent all these from happening...
Daddy i've got so much to say to you...
So much to share with you...
But you're not here with me...
Daddy... Give me strength to walk through this exams doing my best...
I miss those comforting words you say to me before all my paper during the O Level period...













**Dear Lord, help me**
**Help me have the confidence to walk through this exam**
**Mother Mary,**
**Bless all my friends**
**Bless everyone of them**
**Keep them safe**
**Keep your children safe**
**Thank you**
**Amen**

School's fine...
Revision lectures everyday...
That's just reminding us that exams are round the corner...
Econs is just next Friday...
Haiz...
Sighs...
Oh wells...

I've got to face my biggest fears now...
I'm just very worried...
I lack the confidence to do well...
Oh wells...
But daddy words are ringing loudly in my head, the moment i mention that i'm scared of exams...

Anyways,
Over lunch, i was talking to the group about Daddy...
Its been a long time since i broke down when i talk about daddy...
I dunnoe why the tears just started flowing...
I got a shock...
But ya...
The girls said the my story is very touching...
Sing Nee & Tess teared...
Haiz...

Come to think about it...
Its 3 years...
This is my 3rd August without him around...
I'm Starting to get use to it...
But it feels wierd...
7th August...
Another year w/o daddy...
Its jsut gg to go by feeling the same...
S it happened 3 years ago...













**3 Years**
**It went by**
**Just painful**
**But i know i can walk by it**

Projects & presentation officially ended...
Went to Sakae with the girls yest & enjoyed ourselves...
Q&A for excel went fine...
I could do the qns...
Next thing up is Excel ICA..
Tt's the 1 i'm more worried for...
I just hope its possible for me to sustain that Distinction i got for Access...
Tt's more impt...
Dun want any drop of marks, just wanna sustain...
Same marks s Access oso can...

I'm starting to feel the stress all over again...
But the stress level isn't s high s i used to experience previously...
I've got alot that i want to do...
But i'm scared i can't meet my own expectations..
I hope i dun fail myself again...

All i want to do is to do well...
Well & beyond my own expectation...
I dun want to repeat modules...
Haiz...
I'm scared...

Experiencing August in a Poly doesn't seem to b very fun...
Not s it used to be when in Secondary School..
1st is the 7th month, totally restricted from coming home late...
Exams...
There's National day fireworks...
Made plans to go watch it...
But now seems lyk plan have to change, rather not really change, just have to ask some1 else to go with me to watch it...
Sighs....
Oh wells...

Revision tutorials r piling...
things i need to do is piling too...
I'm getting lazier by the day...
Cuz i want to rest & dun do anything...
but when i do that, i realise that i dun have enuff time...
so caught in the middle lah...

Sighs...













**Exams are near**
**I'm getting scared**
**Can i do it**
**How well can it do it**

dancesport
twenty

alison

cheryl-dance

chong aik-SGDF

daryl

deborah

jasmine-dance

jen jen

li juan

lina-dance

liz

lynn

mathilda

marc

melissa

melody

sarah-marie

SGDF [Singapore Dancesport federation]

shaina

sheng hong

S&G [Shawn & Gladys Dance World]

sofya

::your words::

credits

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