Something i miss doing for an extremely long time...
I have yet to finish up my cha routine...
Its either money issues or there isn't time...
haiz...
When can i dance again??

I was browsing through my dance pictures...
I miss wearing the costume, the mad rush to get ready for the comp be it the appearance or the practices...
haiz...
I just miss all that...
Really i really do...
I wanna dance, dance & dance somemore...

Will i see myself on the dancefloor competing again this dec??
How will i do...
I lack the confidence...
What if i do badly...
What if i dun make it into the finals...
What if i lost all my touch to dancing...
Haiz...
Why do i have so many qns...
=(

















**Its tough to not do smth u like**
**Its a pleasure to do smth u love**
**Time & money is the issue**
**Haiz**

I'm home...
Just came home from a day out with 2 good friends that i really treasure...
So out the entire day...
was work in the morning, ikea in the afternoon, movie at night...

Ikea was interesting...
Its been a long time since i stepped in any Ikea...
Oh wells...
It seems the same, showrooms & wad not...
Miss the times when I was in Ikea with both mummy & daddy...

Watched "Mamma Mia".
I love the show...
The songs were well sung...
The plot was interesting...
Loveable & sad on some parts...
Teared abt twice during the show...
Those pple can sing man...
Oh wells...

& the cast...
Haha...
All the background dancers...
Its amazing...
The dance steps were lively & seems fun too... u know, like mass dance...
Oh its so interesting...
I'm glad i caught that show...

The day ended pretty nicely...
I'm glad to be able to spend a day with these 2 friends that i treasure...
-Thanks for taking time out & spending the day with me-













**I'm a happy lil girl**
**A happy lil squirrel**
**I hope i'll stay this way for a way longer time**
**I'm glad & happy**

So I've been happier these 2 days, after my silly results were released...
I had 1 entire day to sulk over it..
At the end of the day, what can i do abt it...
Haiz...
Oh wells...

Had my 1st ever meeting with the staff at centre...
Its pretty interesting..
I join them during the time that they are going to have the awards ceremony for the kids...
& the interesting thing is my principal or the centre is gg to present her staff to the parents of the children...
& i was like, thinking "i'm not even here for a month".
So i looked at her & she said, "Yes Clarissa, including you."
& I'm like, whoa... okie...
So the dress code is smart casual...
& the event is on a Saturday...
Wad I'm really gg to wear is another problem..
Talk abt image...
Haiz...
But its lyk, smart casual & with jacket...
Hmmm...
Oh wells...

So me decided between 2 jackets...
1, a blazer which i would borrow from Brian's sister, if not e 2nd 1 is my own denim jacket...
But smart casual... Denim?!
Will it work...

Haha..
Oh wells...
It seems interesting...
Seems lyk i mayb doing registration...
Oh wells...
For money, I've got to sacrifice my Saturdays...

Anyway, i had dinner with Don last night...
Qte some time since we last had a chat...
So pretty interesting...
Happy that i met up with a friend i haven't seen for a long time...

Going out tmr...
After work..
Stuck with wad to wear...
Haha... I'm forever stuck with wad to wear when i go out..
Oh wells...
Guess i'll just grab smth on lah...













**Small things can either make me happy or sad**
**But i do realise that wadever it is**
**I've got to make the best out of it**
**I want myself to be happy**
**& that's more impt**

So results is out...
Crap...
Cuz of wadever situation i was caught in...
I'm unable to study s planned...
Crap...
& now results are shit...

I'm jealous...
Jealous of my friends that did so well...
Haiz...
I wanna do s well too...
Haiz...
Oh wells...

1st not so emotional & upset post in a while...
So went to work today... was early... Haha... What a good girl i am... =)
I was at work at 0820, the centre isn't open yet...
I receive a phone call at say ard 0830...
Haha...
I was just happy to hear the voice over the phone...
Though it wasn't for very long... But i was happy nonetheless...
But i was a lil upset, cuz the voice was really tired & lack of energy...
Pity...
Another some1 came to pick me up after work...
Didn't pick up the phone call cuz i was still learning the ropes at my job...
But while learning the ropes, i saw a familiar face & that familiar face cause me to have a big smile spread across my face...
Hehe...
I had fun today, from shopping for ingredients, to preparing the food to watching the girls eat & reminiscing childhood while playing lanterns & sparklers...
Haha...

The girls from school had a mid-autumn festival gathering today...
Haha... There were only a few of us, but it was extremely enjoyable...
Haha... Simple & fun affair...
Remember the old days as a child...
Carry lantern, play sparklers...
Haha... Take photos... Enjoy tidbits... ahha...
Mooncakes, pamelo, , lollipops... haha...
It was really fun... really...

Its been a while since i enjoyed myself so much with the company of pple that can make my day a pleasant one...

Last night, i had a nice long chat with my dear friend Daryl...
Its a nice chat...
An extremely nice chat, esp after 21 days of him not being around...
It was just remembering old days, chatting abt us, though not much was told, but it was just lyk the old secondary school days, when we just chat late into the night...
Laugh, remember, tease & disturb each other over the phone..
I'm just a happy girl...

I thank God...
My prayers were answered...
Chasing my dark clouds away before i break into a storm...
& bringing in my sunlight behind these clouds...
Though i'm not very released of my feelings, but i know i'm feeling alot better & lighter...
Thank you...


















**Thank God for sending me friends that love me**
**Thank God for loving me & showing me light in the midst of my darkness**
**I'm alot happier compared to a while back**
**Thank you**

So here i am ranting again...
Cuz i'm feeling all down & feeling lyk crap...
Who actually know how i feel...
Who knows what's on my mind...
Who bothers to notice, to ask, to probe...
Mayb i'm PMS-ing now tt's why i'm feeling all down, all emo & stuff...
But i feel lyk crap...
Lyk crap...

Results are coming out & there's no certain day & date...
& it sucks, cuz i'm starting to shake & get all worried & all abt my damn freaking results of my exam that i óh-my-gawd' worked so hard for...
I wanna get closer to my aim & see what i plan for...
I never felt lyk this before...
I never felt al so jittery...
I dun only want to just pass...
I wanna get what i think i deserve to get for working so hard...
I wanna see my proper results...
Crap lah..
I'm damn scared...

All the fears & worries that i have...
Who knows...
Who freaking knows...
I'm shaking cuz of results, who's gg to comfort me...
Who's gg to receive the result with me...
Who's gg to be thr the moment i get it & tell me how well i've done...
I still have to receive it alone...
By myself & end up callin pple to tell them how i've done..

I feel lyk crying...
I really feel lyk letting out wadever emotions i have in me...
Just let it all out...

Why do tears keep falling these days...
Why do i always feel so scared, so worried...
Why am i so negative...
Why must i wear a mask in front of pple though i promise never to do that again...
Why am i distancing myself from everyone again...
Why do i feel its better to keep to myself...

Is it stress???
Is it the too many worries i gave myself...

Its a different feeling that i have now compared to previous...
I dunnoe...
I feel terrible...
I feel lyk i'm alone again...
I feel lyk i'm faced with another scenario that is filled with uncertainty...
I feel lyk i'm a terrible friend, sister, gf, daughter.
A terrible person s a whole...
I feel lyk just burying myself with all my worries & troubles & just hibernate till its time to wake up...
& realise that i have no more worries, nothing..
Everything just went by...
Just lyk sleeping beauty...
Just slp & wake up to my prince & realise that everything that scared me was just a nightmare, a dream...
Let me wake up & see the beautiful sunlight, my love & a new world free of worries & sadness...
Wake up & see my beautiful friends in the most beautiful sunlight & blue sky...










Its not gg to be possible cuz...
tt's the dream...
& the nightmare is reality...











**Clarissa dear, wake up**
**Wake up from the dream**
**See reality**
**When will u wake up**

So today got me thinking qte a bit...
Met up with an old friend...
had a long chat...
While having that long chat, i ended up thinking abt stuff..
I'm just glad that our friendship isn't that missing...
Its still around...

Actually it started off yesterday...
The whole getting my brains to work thing started yesterday...
Was chatting with my mum's cousin, a.k.a my uncle, about lots of stuff...
At night, we were chatting on msn...
Thr's this sense of familiarity...
Its lyk chatting with daddy when he was still around...
Haha...
We chat abt so many things, from studies to career to caring as an uncle to chatting as a friend...
& it made me think alot...

With regards to relationship...
The main thing said was, "Let Nature take its own course".
Haha...
I tld him abt my fairytale story...
& when i did that i really felt lyk a little kid talking to her daddy...
Hahah...

Anyway,
i've never stopped thinking & stopped worrying...
but its a matter of how much & how little that's all..

















**Thoughts that run through my mind**
**Most of them are negative**
**Trying to correct them**
**I hope i succeed**

1.Love is something special, something which not everyone finds in their lifetime.
2.Love is more than just a feeling in the air.
3.Love is more than chemistry.
4.Love is being there for each other through thick and thin.
5.Love is quarrelling and making up.
6.Love is growing old together.
7.Love is watching your bodies fall apart together.
8.Love is mind blowing sex.
9.Love is elusive.
10.Love is waking up on a Sunday morning to a kiss.
11.Love is sitting in the front yard with your husband at 70.
12.Love is walking hand in hand down the street.
13.Love is when you fall down and he picks you up.
14.Love is when he says ''i'll do the dishes'', and gives you a massage when you had a bad day at work.
15.Love is when you do vice versa.
16.Love is offering each other full support.
17.Love is patient.
18.Love is kind.
19.Love is about making sacrifices.
20.Love is kids.
21.Love is when your neighbours, friends and relatives are jealous because you've got something they don't.
22.Love is that fleeting glance you share that no one else understands.
23.Love is a warm comforting shoulder.
24.Love wont pay the bills.
25.Love creates and kills.
26.Love hurts.
27.Love is blinding.
28.Love is giving in even when maybe, you're in the right.
29.Love is unfathomable.
30.Love is deeper than an ocean and higher than a mountain.
31.Love is simple.
32.Love is special.
33.Love is refreshing, exciting.
34.Love makes you want to sing and dance and fly.
35.Love can also make you cry.
36.Love is about a lifetime.
37.Love is spontaneous.
38.Love is lasting.
39.Love is full of inexplicable contradictions.
40.Love is stupid.
41.Love is man's greatest weakness.
42.Love is also man's greatest strength.
43.Love is saying sorry to soothe matters.
44.Love is a silent force that not many are capable of controlling.
45.Love can make you or it can break you.
46.Love is two bleary eyed souls in the morning smiling at each other for no reason.
47.Love is indescribable.
48.Love is like a butterfly. ( Held too loosely, it flies away. Held too tightly, it's crushed)
59.Love is personal.
50.Love is a magnificent feeling that is misunderstood by many.
51.Love makes life meaningful.
52.Love is hard to find but easy to give.

Had a day out with pple i haven't seen for qte a while...
I'm glad for the time spent...
Though the time spent together with 2 good friends of mine aren't very long,
But i treasure these times together...
Just chatting, laughing, slacking...

So anyway, i came home alone...
Without any1 sending me home...
See i'm independent...
Received a phone call while on the train...
had a nice chat till i was home safely...
=)
Thanks for the call... I appreciate it... & it was nice hearing from you...
Mummy went for a wedding dinner today...
Haha...
She's lyk a small girl...
I helped her doll up too...
Its usually mummy helping me look pretty or rather allow me to feel pretty...
This time round is my turn...
I helped her put on fake eyelashes...
& made her pretty..
She came home happy & she said everyone said she was pretty...
I'm glad..

I've got work tmr...
But i can't slp yet...
Its really early...
Got to be at the centre at Serangoon Gardens at 0830...
Hope i will enjoy the job though...













**Something small can do great wonders**
**I thank God for small gestures made by pple towards me**
**I thank God for friends, Shaina & Mummy**
**I'm glad**

So my new laptop finally arrived...
Hehe...
That's something nice for the week...
I'm trying to get use to it...
I'm not that accustom to this yet...
It seems wierd using this laptop...
From a mini 1, my laptop suddenly grew in size & weight...
But at least i've got smth proper to fall back on...
I'm glad for that...

I've got this sudden unspeakable fear...
I dunnoe...
I'm just scared...
A feeling that hit me qte badly...
I just dunnoe how to put it into words...
But all i can...
I'm scared...
Scared of what...
Many things...
& i dunnoe where to start...

The words "Pray Clarissa, Pray!"
Is ringing in my head & in my ears...
Maybe praying will help...
Do any1 think tt it will...
Haiz..













**Will praying help everything**
**Will it...**
**I'm scared**
**Damn scared**

So my day went by...
Slacking, lunch with Brian & Shaina @ NYDC, gg to borders...
Getting 2 storybooks to keep me company for my next few weeks till i get cash again to buy more...
Shaina finally decided to start reading..
I'm glad & at the same time worried...
But Brian told me to trust her...
Okie i will...

Halfway through my day, a msg came in that ease a fear...
I've been praying hard & worrying too...
But at least he's back at camp, i can relax a little...
Still a little worried...
& that worry wldn't stop till he's back in SG...
So guess i'll still worry a lil more...

Happy Teachers' Day to all Teachers...

I receive a teacher's day msg from Jackie...
That's very nice..
I was happy..

Went for tuition today...
Again...
Same kid...
made me laugh qte a bit during tuition...

Had a ncie chat with mummy...
I'm just happy that mummy is happy...
Sometimes she seem lyk a lil kid...
But wells...
=)

I'm just glad every1 is happy...
1's coming back...
Another 1 got a couple of weeks more till he's back...
Worries wun stop till then...

Desmond's leaving for China in a few weeks...
Gonna miss him...
Will be thinking of you bro...

Brian's gg to start teaching in a couple of days time..
Hope his students wun make things difficult for him...
-Pray that you'll get good students-

I'll be praying for everyone...

I'm feeling a lil fat...
Holiday is making me feel fat & gaining weight...
Dun lyk it...
I wanna lose my tummy...
-sobs-













**When everyone's happy**
**I'm happy too**
**There's so many things i wanna do**
**Can I???**

dancesport
twenty

alison

cheryl-dance

chong aik-SGDF

daryl

deborah

jasmine-dance

jen jen

li juan

lina-dance

liz

lynn

mathilda

marc

melissa

melody

sarah-marie

SGDF [Singapore Dancesport federation]

shaina

sheng hong

S&G [Shawn & Gladys Dance World]

sofya

::your words::

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