School's ending for the week..
& seriously its out to kill...
The stress level is way higher then i expect it to be..
Guess i wasn't that prepared for such a stress level i guess...
I'm just feeling all so grouchy...
The past week just hasn't been very fantastic...
But oh wells,
life still goes on...

Presentation & projects...
Tests & exams...
They are starting to surface...
The workload is starting to sit in...

I dunnoe of i'm still able to even have the time for myself, for dance & for any1 ard me...
I dun want my life to revolve ard projects, test & tutorials...
I dun wan to always feel grouchy cuz of the stress that i'm taking in...

On the other hand, i'm glad tht i'm feeling stress...
Its better then previously when i cldn't feel the stress & i broke down when it all surfaced...
Sighs...

I had this wierd dream abt project presentation...
Its all so wierd...
Mayb is the thoughts of the day itself and the fear of whether we did the project right...
Sighs...

Life is lyk the sea...
Its full of ups & downs...
When ure downs reach an up, another down comes...













**Its funny how things end up**
**Its funny how change, changes people**
**Its funny how thoughts sits in makes u realise**
**That life is unpredictable**

I was blog hopping since i was bored & have lots on my mind, so stress reliever - do something of no use...
& i chanced upon Sofya's blog & saw this, thought it was interesting, so i took it..
-Sofya hope you dun mind ya... -
its interesting... =)

Every girl dreams that one day she will find a guy that does these things for her. even the smallest action can have the BIGGEST impact in one's life.
• give her one of your t-shirts to sleep in.
• leave her cute text notes.
• kiss her in front of your friends.
• tell her she looks beautiful.
• look into her eyes when you talk to her.
• let her mess with your hair.
• touch her hair. • just walk around with her.
• FORGIVE her for her MISTAKES.
• look at her like she's the only girl you see.
• tickle her even when she says stop.
• hold her hand when you're around your friends.
• be the one to take her hand, don't make her reach for you
• be the one to call her, don't make her always call you
• when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her.
• let her fall asleep in your arms. • get her mad, then kiss her.
• tease her and let her tease you back.
• stay up all night with her when she's sick.
• watch her favourite movie with her.
• kiss her forehead.
• give her the world.
• write her letters.
• let her wear your clothes.
• when she's sad, hang out with her.
• let her know she's important.
• let her take all the photos she wants of you.
• kiss her in the pouring rain.
• when you fall in love with her, tell her.
• and when you tell her, love her like you've never loved someone before.

Anyway,
My day didn't go very well...
heard things, & said things tt made me realise that perceptions are always 1-sided...
Mayb "Curiousity really do the cat"
Or rather kills Clarissa...
Now i wonder,
Whymust my conscience always bug me...
Why can't i ever keep my feelings & my thoughts to myself... Why do everything come out... Why do i have to feel guilty if i'm not honest to pple ard me...
Sighs...

Anyway,
i found a nice nice song with nice nice lyrics...
The song is "Everyday" from High School Musical...

[Troy]
Once in a lifetime
means there’s no second chance
so I believe that you and meshould grab it while we can

[Gabriella]
Make it last foreverand never give it back

[Troy]
It’s our turn, and I’m loving’ where we’re at

[Both]
Because this moment’s really all we have

[Troy]
Everydayof our lives,

[Gabriella]
wanna find you there, wanna hold on tight

[Troy]
Gonna run

[Both]
While we’re young
and keep the faith

[Troy]
Everyday

[Both]
From right now,gonna use our voices and scream out loud

[Gabriella]
Take my hand;

[Troy]
together wewill celebrate,

[Gabriella]
celebrate.

[Both]
Oh, ev’ryday.

[Gabriella]
They say that you should follow

[Troy]
and chase down what you dream,

[Gabriella]
but if you get lost and lose yourself

[Troy]
what does is really mean?

[Gabriella]
No matter where we’re going,

[Troy]
it starts from where we are.

[Gabriella]
There’s more to life when we listen to our hearts

[Both]
and because of you, I’ve got the strength to start
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

[Both]
Everydayof our lives,

[Gabriella]
wanna find you there, wanna hold on tight

[Both]
Gonna run
while we’re young
and keep the faith.
Everyday

[Troy]
from right now,
gonna use our voices and scream out loud

[Gabriella]
Take my hand;
together we
will celebrate,

[Gabriella]
Oh, ev’ryday

[Troy]
We’re taking it back,
we’re doing it here
together!

[Gabriella]
It’s better like that,
and stronger nowthan ever!

[Both]
We’re not gonna lose.‘Cause we get to choose.
That’s how it’s gonna be!

[Troy]
Everydayof our lives,

[Gabriella]
wanna find you there, wanna hold on tight.

[Troy]
Gonna runwhile we’re young

[Both]
And keep the faith
Keep the faith!

[Choir]
Everydayof our lives,wanna find you there, wanna hold on tight.
Gonna runwhile we’re youngand keep the faith
Everydayfrom right now,gonna use our voices and scream out loud
Take my hand;
together wewill celebrate,
Ev’ryday!
Live ev’ry day!
Love ev’ryday!
Live ev’ryday!
Love ev’ryday!
Ev’ryday!
Ev’ryday!
Ev’ryday!
Ev’ryday!
Ev’ryday!
Ev’ryday!
Ev’ryday!
[Gabriella]
Ev’ryday!

















**Perceptions of girls, differ from the guys**
**I finally saw the meaning to that**
**No matter how similar one can be, or how close 2 pple can be**
**Perception & ideology kills**
**Difference**
**1 wrong move can kill**
**For good or bad then**
**I dunnoe**
**I said it**
**I got it off my chest**
**Come what may**
**Mayb God will guide me through**

HARRY:
I can still recall
Our last summer
I still see it all
Walks along the Seine
Laughing in the rain
Our last summer
Memories that remain

We made our way along the river
And we sat down in the grass by the Eiffel tower
I was so happy we had met
It was the age of no regret
Oh, yes
Those crazy years
That was the time of the flower-power
But underneath
We had a fear of flying
Of growing old
A fear of slowly dying
We took our chance
Like we were dancing our last dance

HARRY & DONNA:
I can still recall
Our last summer
I still see it all

HARRY:
In the tourist jam

DONNA:
Round the Notre Dame

HARRY & DONNA:
Our last summer
Walking hand in hand

DONNA:
Paris restaurants

HARRY & DONNA:
Our last summer

HARRY:
Morning croissants

HARRY & DONNA:
Living for the day
Worries far away
Our last summer
We could laugh and play

DONNA:
And now you're working in a bank
The family man, a football fan
And your name is Harry
How dull it seems
Yet, you were the hero of my dreams

HARRY & DONNA:
I can still recall
Our last summer
I still see it all
Walks along the Seine
Laughing in the rain
Our last summer
Memories that remain

A song that reminds me of moments in time & before time...
That express alot of what i miss... Hoping for time to turn back...
recalling past memories...
Stopping the tears from falling...
Allowing myself to surpress so many thing...

Memories...
they bring back tears & smiles...
They bring back both happy & sad...
Those lovely & unhappy...
Yet sometimes, u wish that these memories dun exist then mayb u can be a happier person
but these feeling hit only when u think of bad memories...
Good memories r kept & stored forver...
Taken out to review when u miss them...
Sighs...
Memories...
The only thing that breaks me or piece me back together...














**Memories live on**
**How true???**
**Will they really be kept forever**
**Or will they be lost in time**

So finally my 2nd week of school ended...
Lots happened this entire week...
Me fell sick...
Cash is running low...
Sadded...
reflections & more reflections...

That's lyk practically all that happened this week...
Oh yes...
Tutorials & more tutorials...
Complains & more complains...
the damn pressure is sitting in...
& i'm freaking stress...
Plus other unknown stess...

OH YES OH YES...
The BIGGEST news ever is that i FREAKING LOST WEIGHT AGAIN...
I'm underweight...
& that sucks...
I'm upset...
Upset...
Sighs...

Monday's Deepavali...
the 3rd Deepavali without daddy...
I miss him...
I miss him alot...
All that happened cannot be reversed..
Was thinking abt the days when daddy & i can just sit down & talk rubbish...
He listens to everyone when everyone needed to talk...
but when it came to his turn, no one was there to listen..

Anyway,
Shaina got advanced up to Sec 4 NA...
So that's good news...













**Slipping through my fingers**
**Our Last Summer**
**Songs that reflect my thoughts**
**I miss my Dad again**

1st week of school officially ended...
saw deadlines, project groups, tutors & lecturers...
Okie i guess...
Not that bad..
I think all our tutors & lecturers seem pretty not bad...
So that's a good thing...
Bad thing is that our group project group is chosen or rather randomly selected by our tutors...
None of them exactly told us the reason until today...
Thanks to MicroEcons tutor...
So we now know the reason...

at least tell us lah...
Tell us so much abt going out into society & working with others...
We know that theory from day 1 of school...
but at least convince us....
Haiz...
Oh wells...
Teachers...

Anyway, i'm home early, cuz i've got a terrible headache during class today...
Its been lyk that since day 2 of school...
So pretty crap..
But oh wells...

Anyway yet again...
I survived walking to school, running to school & no cab for a week...
haha..
See i'm becoming a good girl...
Hopefully this "no cab thing" last for the entire semester...

This entire week saw many ups & downs, tears & smiles...
i hope that there will be more smiles in the few weeks to come...
=(













**Pray that everything will go well**
**God bless those who need help**
**Sorting out thoughts of my own**
**Praying that everything will work out**

So school started...
Everything went kindda well...
but it didn't end so good...

Conflicting ideology...
Everyone wants wads best...
But seems lyk the best for u may not be the best for me...
Mayb there shld be some compromisation...
But oh wells...

Anyway, spent lots of money in school today...
=(
Spent $25.80 on nothing but notes...
Still need to get textbooks...
Gosh! Save me...
How i wish money drop from the sky...
Haha...
That will be fabulous...

"Living for the moment"
Something that i've been thinking alot abt it...
Was talking to someone just now...
Someone who's good enough to help me sort out my thoughts...
Abt fading away...
Abt avoiding...
Abt anything negative & conflicting that i have within myself...
At the end of the day it boils down to what i want...
What's done cannot be undone...
As a professional, she advise me to go on with what i think is right to do other than avoiding and fading away...
But as a human, she thinks that if the right one comes along, i will be accepted for who i am & my past will be accepted willingly...
"To not hold things so tightly, you may just lose all of it before you know it"
That's wad i told her...
She say s a human its going to be tough, but its possible to do so...
I just have to be determine..
"Let God guide u through the journey"
That was wad she told me before i hung up...
The only thing that made me happy out of the entire phone call is that she said i sound happier then i use to, & she's glad i still turn to her for help...

Oh wells...
Things said to me, workable...
but its not easy...
I start to see things from a different light...
But no matter wad, the past will still haunt...
I just cannot let it affect me so badly...
& lyk they say it...
"Come what may"

Mayb doing things i like will keep me going no matter what...
Mayb just falling in love with dance all over again...
finding that passion...
& getting rid of stress is going to work...

God shall have to help me & be on my side...
Prayers have to step in all over again...













**The past haunts me**
**Learning how to put it down**
**Not an easy task**
**Possible**
**But i've got to be determine & consistent**
**Just like my education**

School's starting in 3 days...
I'm having mixed feelings about going back to school & start all over...
The past semester, haunts me...
I studied so hard... But its still the same...
I'm feeling qte demoralised...

Anyway, i downloaded things from CMS already...
Had a glimpse of what i'm in for...
Made a silent resolution to myself...
Hopefully i can keep to it...
Next semester's work scares me...

I'm starting to officially feel scared that i'm unable to make it...
Now plus work...
Hopefully i can...
-I know God has a way planned for me-
Guess i'll just have to turn to prayers for courage & guidance...
its literally "God Bless clarissa, me"

Anyway, last night i slept qte late...
or rather i've been slping pretty late...
I decided to literally pen down my thoughts, my fears & wad not...
It's been a long time since i PEN these down...
But i have yet to sort them out...
Sort out the fears, the confusion...
& i'm totally bothered by it, cuz i know that i've something left undone, un-solved...
But swells...
Like they always say, "Its very Clarissa to think alot either way."

Back to preparing for school...
A lighter note: I bought $80 worth of clothes while shopping online...
I'm so broke...
But i found things that i wanted ages ago...
=)
so that makes a happy Clarissa...
See RETAIL therapy works, i can be a happy girl...
But after that therapy session, i'm going to be a sad sad girl again...
=(
How contradicting...
But oh wells...
Daddy always tell me to do things that makes me happy...
Now with no obligation & nothing to answer to except myself...
I shall do RETAIL therapy whenever i'm EXTREMELY down...

So GOD bless me to not feel so EXTREMELY down so often,
So i wun spend so much...

Oh yes...
Desmond left for Shanghai last night, rather this morning...
Early morning...
I haven't seen him ever since the last nationals at NTU which is in June 08...
The number of sentences we exchanged can be counted...
& that saddens me...
Haiz...
Tried to meet up with him, but i we couldn't find an appropriate time...
I miss him lots...
Remembering the time we spent & shared together when i was in NP...
The things that he taught me,
the comfort he shared with him whenever i'm down...
The hugs he gave to comfort me when i'm down...
The dance moments we shared as a team...
The friendship we fostered...
I hope it stay this strong for a really long time...

I manage to have a short chat with him before he board the plane...
I miss him already...
I feel extrememly bad for not being there to send him off...
=(
i would have teared alot alot i guess...

Anyway, before ending off...
Here's to my dear Desmond:
Thanks for being such a dear friend & always there for me whenever i need someone... You reinforce the true meaning of friendship & how friendship can stay so strong despite us being so far apart... Thanks for all that u shared with me & taught me... & i just wanted to let u know that both u & our friendship mean alot to me... =)















**Appreciating those around me**
**Something that i've learned over the last few years**
**The thoughts that hit me these few days**
**Can bring tears to my eyes**
**But i'm going to learn how to be a strong girl**
**I know i can**

I decided to stay away from the comp for a couple of days..
No updates, nothing at all...
Just allowing my days to go by & soaking up wadever is left of my holiday alone..
Esp every night..
Thinking alot...
thinking how i'm suppose to put 'unnecessary' stuff other then school work aside, so i can concentrate & do well...
I've got to work so i wun feel so stress financially...
but projects...
hmmm... Another big challenge...

Swells...
Guess when school starts, i'm not gg to have much time for alot of things esp myself...
Guess the nights are kept for myself...
=)

Timetable's out...
& timetable sucks...
I've got classes till 6pm...
& isn't very nice...
But what can i do...
Make the best out of it lohr...

Oh wells...













**Making do with whatever i have**
**Mayb the best thing that i can do now**
**So that i can feel happy & not feel sad**
**I hope that i can let these thoughts remain**

The 2nd...
of yet another new month of the year 2008..
The 3rd birthday mummy's celebrating w/o her love of her life beside her...
I'm glad for friends..
the surprise her friends gave her...
The lovely dinner, the company, the laughter & the smiles that they brought and gave her in her life after the change...
I praise god for all these...

1st October..
Hari Raya & children's day...
Another get together was organised by pple that became family to us, after the change that happened to our life...
the talk we had...
the topic of conversation we shared...
the love we shared...
the time we cherish & treasure..

thoughts ran through my mind when i heard this particular song...
"Slipping through my fingers"
Its so much of wanting something, but the fear of what may happen hits u..
Den u start to wonder, its just u're trying to grab onto sand...
How much can u grab???
U see the sand that u try to keep in ure hand quickly slip through ure fingers...
& when u rush & be eager to keep them in ure hand, the sand slips through even faster than u know it...
& at the end of everything, what's left in ure palm is only that lil remainder of sand that did not manage to escape through ure fingers...

How much can u want something...
How much can u act out what u think u wanna do...
How much can consequences affect every decision that u're going to make...













**Thoughts that have no conclusion**
**Thoughts that will eventually leave u hanging**
**Am i thinking too much**
**What do i know???**

dancesport
twenty

alison

cheryl-dance

chong aik-SGDF

daryl

deborah

jasmine-dance

jen jen

li juan

lina-dance

liz

lynn

mathilda

marc

melissa

melody

sarah-marie

SGDF [Singapore Dancesport federation]

shaina

sheng hong

S&G [Shawn & Gladys Dance World]

sofya

::your words::

credits

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